I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am. I don't live off of
Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam. I don't brag to my buddies
about my erections. I won't drive to Hell before I ask for
directions. I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a
clown. And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down! I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt. My belt
buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut. And I don't go around
"re-adjusting" my crotch, or yell like Tarzan when my
headboard gets a notch.
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind. I'm a
woman you see-I'm just not that kind! I'm glad I'm a woman,
I'm so glad I could sing. I don't have body hair like shag
carpeting. It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back.
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack.
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb. I'll never
buy a toupee to cover my dome. Or have a few hairs pulled from
over the side. I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much
pride! And I honestly think its a privilege for me, to have
these two boobs and squat when I pee.
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball. I don't
swagger and spit like a Neanderthal. I won't tell you my wife
just does not understand, Or stick my hand in my pocket to
hide that gold band. Or tell you a story to make you sigh and
weep, Then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see. Forget all about
that old penis envy. I don't long for male bonding, I don't
cruise for a chick. Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with
my dick. I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!
