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Jokes For Clan and Friends (Jokes For You)

Jokes For Clan and Friends

Libra

Date: Monday, 2007-10-15, 11:10 AM | Message # 1

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Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave
your
previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell
me where!"
________________________________________________________________

Wife: " Sir, I would like to call on my husband who left
me and
brought all our five kids wth him."

Radio Host: " Ok, go ahead!"

Wife: " Sweetheart, please return back all the kids,
actually only one
of
them is yours."
_______________________________________________________________

Hello! I'm here again. My mind is all muddlled up. I just
want to ask
something. I know that you will be able to help me out.
Is BIRDS FLU the
past tense of BIRDS FLY?
_______________________________________________________________

You were riding a bus, when you suddenly fart. Luckily
the music is
very
loud. Every time you farted, you timed it with the music.
When you were
going down the
bus, everybody were throwing dagger looks at you, and you
suddenly
realized . . . .
. that you have your MP3 player on your ears !
______________________________________________________________

WIFE: It's a miracle! You came home early.
HUSBAND: I just obeyed what my boss told me to do. He
said: "GO TO
HELL", that's why I came home early.
_______________________________________________________________

1st night grandma wore a see-thru dress, grandpa didn't
react...
2nd night grandma wore t-back, grandpa still didn't
react...
3rd night grandma all naked, grandpa said "what is that
you are
wearing, it's all crumpled!!"
_______________________________________________________________

John: it's my wife's birthday
Peter: what's your gift to her?
John: i asked her what she wanted!
Peter: what did she said?
John: anything, as long a there is a DIAMOND.
Peter: what did you gave her?
John: playing cards

DS power is plats

Bella

Date: Monday, 2007-10-15, 1:50 PM | Message # 2

Colonel

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Quote (Libra)

WIFE: It's a miracle! You came home early.
HUSBAND: I just obeyed what my boss told me to do. He
said: "GO TO HELL", that's why I came home early.

LOL

hope this wont happen to us biggrin

nicebuff

Date: Tuesday, 2007-10-16, 9:38 AM | Message # 3

Colonel

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A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird moses??" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS ROTWEILER "JESUS".

Added (2007-10-16, 9:38 Am)
---------------------------------------------
ok i'm bored gonna put another joke in here.

A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches each part of her body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!" The doctor asks, "Were you ever a Blonde?"

"Yes, I was." she replies. "Why do you ask?"

The doctor answers, "because your finger is broken!"

lol ok more

'There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate waiting to get into
heaven. Not all these spirits could fit into heaven, so the ones who died the
worst death would be allowed in.
The first man in line started telling his story, ''Well, Peter, you see, I
knew that my wife was cheating on me so I decided to come home early from work
one day to catch them in action. I got home and searched all over but I couldn't
find him. Then when I walked out onto the balcony, there he was dangling off the
darn thing by his fingertips. So I ran and got a hammer then started beating him
with it and he fell. Well, the fall didn't kill him, because he landed in a bush
so I picked up the refrigerator and threw it on him. Although that killed him,
the strain gave me a heart attack, and here I am.''
The next man came up and started his story. ''St. Peter, I always work out on
my balcony on the 14th floor of my apartment building. I was on my bike one day
and I fell off when it flipped. I sailed over the rail and I thought 'Please God
spare my life' and he did. I caught on to a balcony below me. I was even happier
when a man discovered me hanging there. But all of a sudden he started beating
my hands with a hammer so I fell again. But the dear Lord saved me again when I
landed in a bush. But I'm here now because the guy threw his refrigerator on top
of me.''
It was now the third guy's turn to start his story. ''Well, Peter, just
picture this. I'm hiding butt naked in this married chick's refrigerator...'''

lol ok i'll quit biggrin

liutank

Date: Tuesday, 2007-10-16, 11:19 AM | Message # 4

Colonel

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nicebuff tat was nice one haha haha

redwyvern

Date: Tuesday, 2007-10-16, 2:33 PM | Message # 5

Colonel

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why did humpty dumpty push his wife of the wall?
cuz he wanted to see her crack

Added (2007-10-16, 2:33 Pm)
---------------------------------------------
wats the difinition of a glass bra ? surprised

Libra

Date: Friday, 2007-10-19, 9:54 AM | Message # 6

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so RED what is the answer?

DS power is plats

redwyvern

Date: Saturday, 2007-10-20, 2:28 AM | Message # 7

Colonel

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smash and grab lol srry forgot to write it in wacko

nicebuff

Date: Tuesday, 2007-10-23, 3:23 AM | Message # 8

Colonel

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One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!'

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't
let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.
'What the Hell is this??' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud
appeared when he shook them out.
'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear ?'

She replied with a snicker...
'It's not talcum powder......
It's 'Miracle Grow'.'

Libra

Date: Wednesday, 2007-10-24, 0:09 AM | Message # 9

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Quote (nicebuff)

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!'

Mama, I am sure the hubby is tired of living biggrin

DS power is plats

Saien

Date: Wednesday, 2007-10-24, 0:17 AM | Message # 10